As a kid.
Being a rebellion myself with typical strict Asian parents has not been easy but it has been my life. I was so used to the word ” forbidden” that I did not think twice before carry out whatever that was forbidden.And then, he was my first crush and primary five “boyfriend”. It was sweet, innocent, exciting and of course forbidden but who cares. From the most littlest things such as a new pen everyday, or gave me his breakfast, it made me see the sky with a different blue. We communicated through drafts in class and Nokia at home. Last day of primary school, he texted to ask if I’m home, bid goodnight – his last text. Two years later, we reconnected, dated a while then broke up eventually. That’s the end of my childish, forbidden relationship.
As a young adult.
I am no longer controlled by my parents. I am on my own. And believe me, I now fully comprehend the pain of forbidden love. At the age of 18, there are all sorts of feelings but I could discern between like and dislike. Dropped from the sky, a boy appeared. He is, I must say, different from any boy I have ever met. Funny, witty, smart, he got the whole package. So close yet so far. Every time I look into his eyes, my heart aches so bad I am suffocated for I know I can’t be with him. I pushed and pushed my feelings so far down that nobody even myself could touch it.Always I feel like a ticking bomb. Resist the urge to tell him. Resist the urge to hug him. Resist the urge to be with him. Resist the urge to cry. I forbid myself to feel.
P.S: Wonderful boy, you know who you are.